after tons of begging and pleading yesterday, all he replied was he had never prepared to get back with me and he was tired of being attached and he finally said he hate me. at first i really thought that no matter what and how he had to reject me, i would not give up that easily. but until that three words came out.. throughout the times we were together, he had never said anything that was so hurting. then, i knew.. be it he said that to spite me or it was true from his heart, i knew that he really wanted a break.

though i was so upset. when he needed me, he said and promised everything but when he was feeling sick and tired, he could not afford to look back at our love and efforts to work things out. i did not blame him at all. still, i controlled my pain and texted him that i really hope for both of us to be happy and i was happy for at least we knew that we really loved each other so much and we were so happy then. though i felt insulted, i still acted strong and asked to be friends. i really know i want both of us to be happy and since he felt that i do not have the ability to, i should listen to him and move on right?

laiyew texted me and told me something that is really very true. i should not go so low for anyone and i did try to salvage the relationship. and he wished to work things out, he would do something about it. so is he telling me it is obvious that my begging and pleading is useless?

since leaving him is something i can do to make him happy, i said i love him.. so i should want him to be happy right? at least i know we did love each other deeply before and we were once very happy together right? well..

though it is tough and painful but i believe God chooses to let me see that he is not the man of my life through this way. God allows me to see how cruel he can be to me and how he hurt me just to make me realize he is a good man but not the man whom i have been looking for.

i wlll be stong. JIAYOU!!